I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
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Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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