Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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