is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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