I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
