Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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