I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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