You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
