It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
