I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
