Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
