we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He better not be in your backpack
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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