I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
