just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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