And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Are we still banned from the library?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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