chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
