That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
