So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
