Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
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Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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