My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it was like eating out sand paper
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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