So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
soo... how was my night?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
