i think my mom watched the whole time
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
