Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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