omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
