Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
