Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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