My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
