I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize