Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I smell like Dick and happiness
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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