did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
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He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
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Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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