My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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