Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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