I got chris browned last night
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
