This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
