Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
