My room smells like vodka and shame
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
