So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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