are you so shy because you have an std?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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