walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Its about making memories worth repressing
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
