Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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