so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
