Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
