She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
