kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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