I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize