im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
