Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
