Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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