If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
