and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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