names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
