so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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