eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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