Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
