kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
