I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You dont lie about slip and slides
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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