Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
