Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
