Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
