i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
