OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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