i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
