I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize