everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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