I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I deserve this hangover.
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