If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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