it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
