Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
