Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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