So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
