um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
