You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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