I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
